Now we know what statesmen really think, Northern Ireland tourism is set for a boost
According to research by Barclays Bank, the staging of the G8 conference in Lough Erne could have brought as much as £7.5m to County Fermanagh.
This was merely during the event itself, of course. When the prime minister revealed the location, last November, he said it would be "a brilliant advertisement for Northern Ireland". He continued: "I want to show the world what a beautiful place Northern Ireland is… Lough Erne is one of the most beautiful places in the entire United Kingdom."
Well, it worked! I, for one, have immediately begun planning a Lough Erne holiday and have been reading reviews of the area on TripAdvisor.
On the assumption that the prime minister is right and many people will now be planning similar trips, let me save you time by simply reproducing the most recent reviews, here on this very page.
"Problem with gym"
I am afraid problem with gym. Full of American presidents. I am vaiting, vaiting. Eventually hyev to give up and svim in lake instead. This very bed lake, cold and veedy. Later, I hear gym manager dead in unfortunate and unrelated poisoning incident. Vot shame. He seemed like such nice men, ven ve had martinis together on morning of his death.
V Putin
"Fabulous!"
Fabulous place! Gem of N Ireland! Beauty of Britain showed off to best adv.! Terrific from first what ho to final toodle pip. Perfect environs for high-level serious chat about all matters important and grave. Nowhere better to debate, discuss, opine and philosophise. Also, magnificent ancient staircase which I had whizzo time sliding down on tray.
D Cameron
"Clerification"
Sorry, vont to clerify earlier remarks about lake. Ven I said it vos cold, I vos thinking of possible risk to elderly weesitors. It vos no problem for me myself personally. I jumped straight in and did not even shiver. They say is syecond largest lake system in Northern Ireland. Ho ho. I completed full circumference in eight minutes. Any of you who saw thet voman's earlier post vitch said I vos seen looking nervous on shoreline, the story is untrue and the post hez been removed out of respect to the voman who has since unfortunately died.
V Putin
"I likea the view"
I amma very happy with everything, enda wanta makea special mention of security. It is allaways good to leavea spare change on the table to testa the honesty of the chambermaids. Unfortunately, did notta hevva any spare change.
E Letta
"Flexible accommodation"
Vunderful place. Most friendly und velcoming. I left spare change on ze table to test ze chambermaids (I had several zousand euro I did not need anyvay). But ze nice Italian man next door asked if he could borrow some. I threw him a few bills und ve agreed that his room vould now be considered basically an extension of mine. Vot a great place to make friends.
A Merkel
"Take a beeg suitcase"
Eef you ask me, zair ees fur too merch merney een zee 'otel. Too merch food, too many plersh carpet, too many trees in zee grounds. When I left, I took 75% of everyzing wiz me. Now eet ees better.
F Hollande
"It needs bears"
A note about sporting facilities. Like any hyoliday-maker, I vonted to go tiger shooting. Unfortunately, found only badger. Local vildlife not impressive. Boring boring boring. Ve vent to desk to ask receptionist vot he could do about it. Unfortunately, our hounds followed us into the lyobby and the poor receptionist, who must have fear of dog, ran out from behind the desk and into a nearby vood, vith the hounds in pursuit. Naturally ve gave chase but in the confusion the receptionist ended up peppered vith byullets. The kindest thing vos to let hounds finish job. As mark of respect, I hev his head mounted on lovely mahogany shield, hung on wall.
V Putin
"A traditional Irish time"
Gotta say, Ireland is one helluva watering hole. I am actually Irish. Never feel more at home than here among the cows and leprechauns. Have to recommend Paddy O'Malley O'Reilly McPhee's, a traditional old Belfast pub with antique plastic flags. I went crazy for the craic and had three pints of green Guinness. They were kind enough to give me a traditional green plastic Trilby, and I think a guy sold me a goat. Then I sang Sweet Home Chicago and passed out under the table. Five stars.
B O'Bama
"Never again"
Tebble. Evthing tebble. Sushi taste like cahboard. Went to karaoke bar, couldn't get on mic, strange black man sing Swee Ho Cago over and over gain. Or night. What point? Also evvyone dress tebble. Went to meeting in suit. Evvyone "casual". No tie. No tie anywhere in room. Told me I am too smar. Went back up, change into favourite T-shirt with English words on. Is good one, feature famous English expression RAIN KITTEN RAINBOW NOISE. Then they look at me funny. This bad place.
S Abe
"Me again, I fur-goat to mention zee rooms"
Zee arrangement of rooms is a deesgrace. You jerst never kner when ones wife or hersband, or lerver, or potential new meestress, might turn up to stay, and zees ees why my girlfriend and myself require many interconnecting rooms. Zees were not provided. I would geev eet one star only for zees reason.
F Hollande
"Another clerification"
I am vorried my previous posts vere unfair. Ireland itself lyovely place. Pretty. I have now bought it. Maybe hyoliday bad only because vos business trip full of idiots. All disagree vith me on important matters. But vos okay on last night ven I cook them special dinner to say no hyard feelings. Ve hed nice meal, but unfortunately they all subsequently died. Five stars, I vill go back time and time again.
V Putin
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