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Sticking to the middle lane on the motorway is now a crime. But how are the police going to catch people – and why is there so much hatred towards people who do it?
An almost audible grunt of approval swept the nation yesterday as the news broke that transport police are introducing on-the-spot fines for motorway offences such as tailgating and – get ready to punch the air, Clarksonistas – middle-lane hoggers.
I am a member of the despised latter species, but I am not, contrary to transport minister Stephen Hammond's claim, a negligent "menace". Unlike many, I stick to the motorway speed limit. This means I have to go faster than most vehicles in the inside lane, so I have to overtake using the middle lane. I prefer not to repeatedly do this by weaving in and out from middle to inside and back again, as I suspect this causes more accidents than motorists sticking to their lane.
So why the hate? Well, because the demographic that most despises middle-lane hoggers is … middle-lane hoggers. Why does it rile them so to have to overtake in the outside (fast) lane? Because they too like to sit in the middle lane – while driving too fast. Why do they not retire to the slow lane? Because they want to go faster than the limit.
Theoretically, driving at 70mph in the middle lane, no one should need to overtake me. But try it some time, and see how long you last before the car behind you – a likely advocate of these new laws – proceeds to angrily tailgate you (risking another new OTS fine), then sharply swerve around you via the fast lane. How dare you prevent them from breaking the law.
But just as most motorists cruising at 80mph know they have little chance of being pulled up, I'm not worried about being fined for my lane-hogging habits. Are police going to follow me for a mile? Are plainclothes cops planning to patrol in unmarked police cars, before slamming the flashing lights on to swoop on bewildered Ford Focus owners? Will hoggers be filmed from overhead helicopters, which then radio down the order to "take out the Toyota Yaris" that's just pootled past Leicester Forest East? While being filmed for a new series of The World's Most Mildly Irksome Drivers?
Admit it, Mr Plod – this is more about PR than realistic law enforcement. And hogger-haters, why not fess up too: we are all middle-laners now.
